and out of no where.... I turned 18 and they called me an adult. I make car payments and I work a lot. I go to school and I try hard. I fall in love and I fall out of love. I become enchanted and disenchanted with so many ideas and people and desires as the days pass. I do things that I dont really want to do even though I know I don't want them, not really. this was supposed to be a place where im eternally in love with my high school sweetheart. today i looked around and realized that I fill up my life with people who love me but that I dont love back... or people that I truly love but that dont love me. there's something wrong with my body that it could unconditionally love a man that will never love me with his own and yet my body knows who it wants but my mind knows otherwise, its gotta be muscle familiarity and yet... my mind cant wrap around loving anyone else. He called me gorgeous and I now know that this new necklace will be my constant reminder of hope for more to come, more faith, more trust, more muscle familiarity.